In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want to give thanks for the gift of sexuality. We owe our existence and that of our children to sex. Though an egg and sperm can be joined in a test tube, sex is the powerhouse of creation and remains a vital source of energy throughout our lives. Sex is passion, excitement, engagement, and connection. Sex is about who we are as males and females. Sex grounds us in our bodies and then allows us to transcend them in the moment of orgasm.
All this, and it feels great, too! If sex isn't on your gratitude list, you're missing out on one of life's most wonderful blessings. It's never too late to explore, discover, and claim your sexuality.
I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. I'll be back after a 4-day break celebrating with family.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Self-Pleasuring
In yesterday's post, I shared the results of a study on vibrator use that indicated vibrators are commonly used by couples as well as by individuals. Just to be clear - I wasn't suggesting there's anything wrong with solo use of a vibrator.
Masturbation has gotten a bad rap in our culture and is still a topic that gets little discussion or attention. Not that there aren't plenty of practitioners! The vast majority of men masturbate, and according to several studies, around 60-65% of women have masturbated at some point in their lives.
It's a shame that more women aren't getting the benefits of self-stimulation because it's a great way for women to learn what feels good and what doesn't. When women learn how to please themselves, their sexual enjoyment increases along with their ability to reach orgasm with their partner. And when women find themselves without a partner, they can stay connected to their sexuality through self-pleasuring. Self-pleasuring - sounds better than masturbation, doesn't it? If you're not already skilled in pleasuring yourself, you might just want to give it a try.
Masturbation has gotten a bad rap in our culture and is still a topic that gets little discussion or attention. Not that there aren't plenty of practitioners! The vast majority of men masturbate, and according to several studies, around 60-65% of women have masturbated at some point in their lives.
It's a shame that more women aren't getting the benefits of self-stimulation because it's a great way for women to learn what feels good and what doesn't. When women learn how to please themselves, their sexual enjoyment increases along with their ability to reach orgasm with their partner. And when women find themselves without a partner, they can stay connected to their sexuality through self-pleasuring. Self-pleasuring - sounds better than masturbation, doesn't it? If you're not already skilled in pleasuring yourself, you might just want to give it a try.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Vibrators - A Study
Think vibrators are just for the single and lonely? Or maybe just for the young and over-sexed?
Well, think again. The Berman Center did a study on a random sample of 2,000 women ages 18-60 and found that lots of women have discovered the pleasure afforded by this sexual aid.
In the study, almost half of the women reported using a vibrator - and it wasn't just the single women. Almost 60 percent of women in relationships reported vibrator use versus 30 percent of single women. The study also found that women with vibrator experience reported higher levels of sexual desire, more arousal, and easier orgasms. These women also reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
In case you're thinking that the satisfaction was primarily solo, almost half of the women who used vibrators did so with their partner, in addition to using them alone. Bottom line, vibrator use is associated with a more sexually satisfied woman.
If you don't own a vibrator or wouldn't know what to do with it if you did, check out The Passion Prescription by Laura Berman. There's a whole chapter in the book on different kinds of vibrators and how best to put them to use.
Well, think again. The Berman Center did a study on a random sample of 2,000 women ages 18-60 and found that lots of women have discovered the pleasure afforded by this sexual aid.
In the study, almost half of the women reported using a vibrator - and it wasn't just the single women. Almost 60 percent of women in relationships reported vibrator use versus 30 percent of single women. The study also found that women with vibrator experience reported higher levels of sexual desire, more arousal, and easier orgasms. These women also reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction.
In case you're thinking that the satisfaction was primarily solo, almost half of the women who used vibrators did so with their partner, in addition to using them alone. Bottom line, vibrator use is associated with a more sexually satisfied woman.
If you don't own a vibrator or wouldn't know what to do with it if you did, check out The Passion Prescription by Laura Berman. There's a whole chapter in the book on different kinds of vibrators and how best to put them to use.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Knowledge and Practice
If you want to maximize the interplay of sexual energy between you and your partner, you probably need to learn a lot more about sexual anatomy, your partner's erogenous zones, and specific techniques for bringing your partner pleasure. Then you need plenty of practice.
Most people who've been sexually active for decades tend to dismiss the idea that they have anymore to learn about being a better lover. But unfortunately, few lovers have ever taken the time or put in sufficient effort to develop real lovemaking skills. They've just done what has come naturally or what they've picked up from a few magazines or porn videos.
Sex is really basic if you're only interested in reproduction, but if you're interested in developing the sexual skills that will add joy and closeness to your relationship and bring more happiness into your life, you need training. You can start by picking up several books on sexual techniques. Then start experimenting, open up a dialogue with your partner, and practice, practice, practice. It's an investment of time and energy that has an amazing payoff.
Most people who've been sexually active for decades tend to dismiss the idea that they have anymore to learn about being a better lover. But unfortunately, few lovers have ever taken the time or put in sufficient effort to develop real lovemaking skills. They've just done what has come naturally or what they've picked up from a few magazines or porn videos.
Sex is really basic if you're only interested in reproduction, but if you're interested in developing the sexual skills that will add joy and closeness to your relationship and bring more happiness into your life, you need training. You can start by picking up several books on sexual techniques. Then start experimenting, open up a dialogue with your partner, and practice, practice, practice. It's an investment of time and energy that has an amazing payoff.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Orgasm Pressure
One of the barriers to pleasure for women during foreplay is the pressure they often experience to reach orgasm. A typical pattern for a man who wants to make sure his partner is sexually satisfied is to stimulate her to the point of climax before he penetrates and gets lost in the pursuit of his own climax.
OK - at least he's concerned about his partner's satisfaction. But the problem is that trying to force an orgasm creates too much pressure on the partner and works against her need to relax and let it happen. Men need to focus on giving their partner pleasure rather than giving her an orgasm.
Bottom line, everyone is responsible for their own orgasm. All we're responsible for in creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship is giving and receiving pleasure and intimacy.
OK - at least he's concerned about his partner's satisfaction. But the problem is that trying to force an orgasm creates too much pressure on the partner and works against her need to relax and let it happen. Men need to focus on giving their partner pleasure rather than giving her an orgasm.
Bottom line, everyone is responsible for their own orgasm. All we're responsible for in creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship is giving and receiving pleasure and intimacy.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Building Sexual Energy
Foreplay can be thought of as a process of building sexual energy. When partners take their time to caress each other and slowly activate the body's pleasure centers, they're creating and storing up sexual energy. The more sexual energy that's stored, the more intense the orgasm.
You've probably noticed that not all orgasms are exactly explosive. Not that any orgasm is actually 'bad', but some are a lot better than others. Foreplay is not only pleasurable in and of itself, but has the added advantage of maximizing the amount of stored up energy, resulting in orgasms that are deeper and more lasting than the ones typically achieved through masturbation or a quickie sexual encounter.
Not all sex needs to be earth-shattering, but it's important to remember that the pleasure you get is in direct proportion to the sexual energy you give and receive.
You've probably noticed that not all orgasms are exactly explosive. Not that any orgasm is actually 'bad', but some are a lot better than others. Foreplay is not only pleasurable in and of itself, but has the added advantage of maximizing the amount of stored up energy, resulting in orgasms that are deeper and more lasting than the ones typically achieved through masturbation or a quickie sexual encounter.
Not all sex needs to be earth-shattering, but it's important to remember that the pleasure you get is in direct proportion to the sexual energy you give and receive.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Easy Does It
It is apparent that a lot of men go after the clitoris with a vengeance during foreplay. The clitoris is the most sensitive part of the female body, and a lot of women experience pain rather than pleasure when men start rubbing it too soon or too roughly. Maybe men assume that the greater the friction, the greater the pleasure, but the clitoris requires gentle handling.
It has been suggested that reducing the force of stimulation to one-fifth or even one-tenth of what is normally used is just about right. And just because a woman starts responding does not mean that it's ok to immediately begin ramping up the pressure and speed. The best way to stimulate the clitoris is to do it gently from start to finish, only speeding up right before she climaxes.
Women need to be very specific in giving feedback on how they want their clitoris to be touched. Otherwise, their partner may give what they, themselves, want to receive.
It has been suggested that reducing the force of stimulation to one-fifth or even one-tenth of what is normally used is just about right. And just because a woman starts responding does not mean that it's ok to immediately begin ramping up the pressure and speed. The best way to stimulate the clitoris is to do it gently from start to finish, only speeding up right before she climaxes.
Women need to be very specific in giving feedback on how they want their clitoris to be touched. Otherwise, their partner may give what they, themselves, want to receive.
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