What is Desire?

All you have to do is go on a diet to discover how denying yourself the foods you love creates incredible cravings. You may find yourself dreaming of Snickers or mint chocolate chip ice cream. You think a lot more about the foods that are forbidden than you ever did before you declared them off-limits.

Desire most frequently arises in response to a perception of scarcity or unavailability. That's why desire is so intense when a relationship is new and sex is not yet a sure thing. Or why couples get so horny when one of them is out of commission following surgery or childbirth. It's also why sexual infrequency within a relationship tends to escalate the desire of the more interested partner. When there's no longer a sense of deprivation, motivation goes down.

So what does all that say about desire in long-term relationships? It's not as hopeless as it sounds. More on that tomorrow.