After Bridging the Distance

If your partner holds up their end of the no-sex agreement and stops pressuring you for sex, you'll probably find it a lot easier to start closing the gap and increasing your affection. Take it in stages, gradually increasing the intimacy of your touch.

When you feel ready to become sexual, ask your partner for another time period (of your choosing) in which you'll be the only one to initiate sex. If your partner balks at this arrangement (thinking that you'll never get your engine started), give a gentle reminder that you're making a real effort to improve the sexual relationship and that eventually, both of you will be free to initiate intimacy.

Of course, you do need to actually take the initiative. Don't wait until you feel aroused. Act out of your desire for a closer relationship. Set the stage, set the pace, and ask for what you want and need. Taking the initiative may sound like a lot of effort, but directing the action can be a refreshing change from being directed. Just ask Clint Eastwood.

Pick Your Times

Does your partner plead, pressure, or pout to get some action in the bedroom? Or maybe just tries to get something going at the worst possible times for you? If so, you've probably wished many times that your partner would put him/herself inside your head and understand how hard it is to get interested in sex when you're exhausted - or how hard it is to suddenly shift gears when you're plowing full steam ahead with your agenda.

But how good are you at getting inside your partner's head? Do you assume that your partner is just a sex fiend with only one thing on the brain? It could be that your partner is wanting closeness or reassurance. When met with a cold shoulder, your partner may feel rejected, undesirable, or unloved.

In addition to talking to your partner about the timing and conditions for sex that are best for you, try initiating sex when the timing and conditions are right for you. That will be a gift for the both of you.