The Dance of Avoidance

If it's been a long time since you've been interested in sex, you've probably developed some patterns of avoidance. Not wanting to turn your partner down and face their disappointment or anger, it's a lot easier to make sure it doesn't get to that point. So you stay very busy - you make sure to go to bed either earlier or later than your partner - you pick fights or maintain an icy distance after being wronged - you sleep with a child or a 50 lb. dog between you - you stop being affectionate out of fear that your partner will interpret your affection as sexual interest.

That last one is a real killer of connection in a relationship. Sexual or not, touch is critical to maintaining closeness with your partner. And talk about feeling rejected and unloved - when hugs and kisses and snuggling disappear along with the sex, why wouldn't your partner feel unwanted?

Tomorrow I'll talk about a path back to connection.