I've posted previously on testosterone supplements that can increase a woman's sex drive. Now a new testosterone ointment that is intended to treat sexual desire problems in women is being tested in medical facilities across the nation. The ointment is expected to be prescribed in limited areas in the coming months. Initial trials will focus on women between 30 and 65 who have had their ovaries removed.
Family Therapy Magazine reports that if the drug is approved by the FDA, BioSante Pharmaceuticals will make it available to women with low desire. The drug, LibiGel is applied on the skin of the upper arm. The testosterone contained in the gel is then gradually absorbed into the bloodstream where it increases energy levels as well as libido.
As with all drugs, I'm sure there will be the potential for unwanted side effects. But if you're best efforts to recharge your sex drive have been unsuccessful, there may be more assistance soon available.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Illusions of Scarcity
Sometimes scarcity isn't an illusion at all when it comes to opportunities for sex in a long-term relationship. Teenage children who are awake at all hours, long hours spent at work, a partner who travels frequently, caregiving for aging parents - there is no shortage of demands on your time, energy, and availability. When you have to struggle just to carve out some time for intimacy, desire may arise out of the struggle.
If lack of opportunity isn't your problem, you can create desire by building anticipation for something that isn't available now, but soon will be. Whether it's a seductive phone call during the work day or modeling sexy lingerie you're saving for an upcoming weekend getaway, the buildup creates passion. Or you can experiment with having sex in places or situations you would normally consider off-limits - on your back deck after the neighbors have gone to bed, in the car during one of the band's breaks, very silently in your bedroom when your parents are visiting - you get the idea.
There's a place for routine, predictable, comforting sex. But when you crave something more, engaging in the forbidden and the unexpected can always create some excitement.
If lack of opportunity isn't your problem, you can create desire by building anticipation for something that isn't available now, but soon will be. Whether it's a seductive phone call during the work day or modeling sexy lingerie you're saving for an upcoming weekend getaway, the buildup creates passion. Or you can experiment with having sex in places or situations you would normally consider off-limits - on your back deck after the neighbors have gone to bed, in the car during one of the band's breaks, very silently in your bedroom when your parents are visiting - you get the idea.
There's a place for routine, predictable, comforting sex. But when you crave something more, engaging in the forbidden and the unexpected can always create some excitement.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Paying the Price
At a dinner party last night, the conversation turned to the recent discovery of the New York govenor's extra-curricular activities. The question tossed around the group was what kind of sex could possibly be worth over $1000 an hour.
Why men pay prostitutes for sex and what they get for their money are not new questions, but they're hot topics on a lot of morning news shows these days. Theories from 'experts' about the why include lack of satisfaction at home (yeah, blame the women), desire for anonymous, no-strings-attached sex, indulgence of sexual fetishes, and the polygamous nature of men. That just scratches the surface.
Regardless of what Spitzer was seeking from his extramarital liasions, the speculation is a great conversation-starter for you and your partner. Finding out what your partner believes drives men to seek satisfaction from prostitutes could be enlightening. It might even suggest some changes or additions to your own sex life.
I'm headed to New York myself for the weekend - with my husband - so I won't be posting again until Monday.
Why men pay prostitutes for sex and what they get for their money are not new questions, but they're hot topics on a lot of morning news shows these days. Theories from 'experts' about the why include lack of satisfaction at home (yeah, blame the women), desire for anonymous, no-strings-attached sex, indulgence of sexual fetishes, and the polygamous nature of men. That just scratches the surface.
Regardless of what Spitzer was seeking from his extramarital liasions, the speculation is a great conversation-starter for you and your partner. Finding out what your partner believes drives men to seek satisfaction from prostitutes could be enlightening. It might even suggest some changes or additions to your own sex life.
I'm headed to New York myself for the weekend - with my husband - so I won't be posting again until Monday.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Still Wanting
If we want what we cannot have, then how do people in long-term committed relationships keep wanting each other? The answer lies in a shifting experience of desire. Just as you can still feel delicious anticipation while chocolate chip cookies are baking in the oven even when you're not on a diet, you can continue to relish the closeness and physical pleasure of intimacy with your partner long after the initial thrill has gone.
Desire in response to scarcity can be a painful experience. Wanting what you know is available brings comfort and contentment. That contentment is one of the joys of long-term relationships in which there is mutual give and take. Contentment may sound lukewarm compared to the hot passion of earlier sex with your partner, but you don't have to completely sacrifice one for the other.
Passion and desire can be created by the illusion of scarcity. More on that tomorrow.
Desire in response to scarcity can be a painful experience. Wanting what you know is available brings comfort and contentment. That contentment is one of the joys of long-term relationships in which there is mutual give and take. Contentment may sound lukewarm compared to the hot passion of earlier sex with your partner, but you don't have to completely sacrifice one for the other.
Passion and desire can be created by the illusion of scarcity. More on that tomorrow.
Monday, March 10, 2008
What is Desire?
All you have to do is go on a diet to discover how denying yourself the foods you love creates incredible cravings. You may find yourself dreaming of Snickers or mint chocolate chip ice cream. You think a lot more about the foods that are forbidden than you ever did before you declared them off-limits.
Desire most frequently arises in response to a perception of scarcity or unavailability. That's why desire is so intense when a relationship is new and sex is not yet a sure thing. Or why couples get so horny when one of them is out of commission following surgery or childbirth. It's also why sexual infrequency within a relationship tends to escalate the desire of the more interested partner. When there's no longer a sense of deprivation, motivation goes down.
So what does all that say about desire in long-term relationships? It's not as hopeless as it sounds. More on that tomorrow.
Desire most frequently arises in response to a perception of scarcity or unavailability. That's why desire is so intense when a relationship is new and sex is not yet a sure thing. Or why couples get so horny when one of them is out of commission following surgery or childbirth. It's also why sexual infrequency within a relationship tends to escalate the desire of the more interested partner. When there's no longer a sense of deprivation, motivation goes down.
So what does all that say about desire in long-term relationships? It's not as hopeless as it sounds. More on that tomorrow.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Sexual Starvation
Everyone knows you can live without sex. Because sex isn't necessary for survival, it's easy to forget that it's a drive, like hunger. For someone with a strong sex drive, it feels like "If I don't get it, I will die."
I've referred in previous posts to sex and relationship expert, Pat Love, who describes herself as a very low-desire person. In order to understand her husband's experience as a high-desire person, she decided to get some testosterone injections to boost her libido. It turned out to be an eye-opening experiment. For the first time in her life, she felt a need for sex that went beyond a simple want. The need felt like an itch begging to be scratched. There was a physical discomfort in going without sex that she could never have imagined in her typical low-desire state.
Ms. Love eventually discontinued the testosterone supplements, but the experiement forever changed how she related to her husband's sexual desire. She became intentional about keeping sex a priority in their relationship and learned to allow her husband's desire to stimulate her own. She could no longer stand the idea of 'sexually starving' the man she loved.
I've referred in previous posts to sex and relationship expert, Pat Love, who describes herself as a very low-desire person. In order to understand her husband's experience as a high-desire person, she decided to get some testosterone injections to boost her libido. It turned out to be an eye-opening experiment. For the first time in her life, she felt a need for sex that went beyond a simple want. The need felt like an itch begging to be scratched. There was a physical discomfort in going without sex that she could never have imagined in her typical low-desire state.
Ms. Love eventually discontinued the testosterone supplements, but the experiement forever changed how she related to her husband's sexual desire. She became intentional about keeping sex a priority in their relationship and learned to allow her husband's desire to stimulate her own. She could no longer stand the idea of 'sexually starving' the man she loved.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Resistance
For every good intention or lofty goal your 'higher' self has ever had, your 'lower' self has leaped in with a complaint, an excuse, or some other form of sabotage. Sometimes you've persevered and followed through with your intention - achieved your goal - and other times you've allowed the voice of resistance to defeat you.
What's important to know is that resistance will always accompany any worthwhile endeavor you take on. Whether your goal is losing weight, writing a book, learning to play an instrument, or trimming your cat's claws on a regular basis, resistance will find you and raise all kinds of ruckus in an effort to get you back to status quo - ground zero. The sabotage can take many forms: distraction, convincing you the task is too difficult or isn't important, casting doubt on your ability to achieve it, conning you into the easier side of life.
As you work on improving your sex life, expect resistance to be a frequent companion. Acknowledge the voice that tells you it isn't worth it or things will never change - and then turn back to the intention of your higher self. Resistance has only the amount of power that you give it.
What's important to know is that resistance will always accompany any worthwhile endeavor you take on. Whether your goal is losing weight, writing a book, learning to play an instrument, or trimming your cat's claws on a regular basis, resistance will find you and raise all kinds of ruckus in an effort to get you back to status quo - ground zero. The sabotage can take many forms: distraction, convincing you the task is too difficult or isn't important, casting doubt on your ability to achieve it, conning you into the easier side of life.
As you work on improving your sex life, expect resistance to be a frequent companion. Acknowledge the voice that tells you it isn't worth it or things will never change - and then turn back to the intention of your higher self. Resistance has only the amount of power that you give it.
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