Sharing Power

In yesterday's post I mentioned power as one possible payoff of low desire - i.e. using low desire as a means of controlling when sex takes place. It's a good example of the unhealthy maneuvering that goes on in relationships when there is an imbalance of power.

Sex can only be joyful and mutual when it takes place between equals - and that means both participants feel a sense of power in the relationship. It means that you each feel valued and respected by the other and that you each feel able to get your important needs met in the relationship. You each keep your voice and share in decision-making. When power is shared, differences in sexual desire are addressed directly and there is mutual acommodation.

Shared power eliminates a lot of manipulation, passive-aggressive behavior, and other forms of acting out. If you feel disempowered in your relationship, think about how you can begin to claim the power that is rightfully yours.

Sacred Sex - Part 2

In yesterday's post I talked about sex and spirituality. Bringing the spiritual dimension into your sexuality is part of creating sexual wholeness. We have plenty of examples of what can happen when people lack that wholeness - everything from sexual shame to sexual abuse. But when you are in touch with the sacred within you and within your partner, sex cannot be exploitive or hurtful. Sex becomes a truly mutual experience of giving and receiving and ceases to be appearance or performance-based.

Tomorrow I'll talk about the other dimensions of sexual wholeness.