When Direct Isn't Best

In several posts I've stressed the importance of being able to talk about sex openly and honestly with your partner. Too often people expect their partner to be mind-readers or just 'know' their specific likes and dislikes which can lead to unsatisfying and frustrating sexual encounters. But the role of non-verbal sexual communication is also valuable.

Part of creating more passion is learning to play with gestures, facial expressions, and body language. It is the art of flirtation and seduction. Couples make a big mistake when they stop flirting with each other when the courtship is over. Flirting makes your partner feel wanted, valued, and desired - and it probably does the same for you when it comes your way.

How do you indirectly express desire to your partner? If your seduction skills have become a bit rusty, try reviving them on your next date night. Gaze into your lover's eyes, let your hand barely graze her thigh, breathe softly into his ear during a slow dance - it's all coming back to you, right?

'Let's Get It On...' - The Start-Up

Some people struggle with how to let their partner know when they're "in the mood for love". If you want to increase the odds of generating some interest, I'd suggest asking your partner what kind of approach he/she prefers. Some people like a direct approach while others are turned off without a little romance or seduction. Initiating sex is risky business. Hearing 'no' can feel like rejection - even though there may be a very good reason for your partner's lack of interest. Some couples develop their own signals to let each other know when they're interested - like lighting a certain candle in the bedroom or leaving a stuffed animal on your bedmate's pillow. Even if your partner blows out the candle or tosses the teddy bear, that's a little easier to take than a cold shoulder when you attempt to embrace your lover under the covers. So be creative in coming up with your own private love language - and be sure to listen when your partner clues you in or their start-up preferences.