Sexual Cues

What gets you in the mood? Are there certain cues that get your motor running? Does your partner know exactly what arouses your interest?

It's important to know your sexual cues so that you can nurture your sexual interest. It also pays to share those cues with your partner so that they know exactly what they can do to increase the chance of getting to 'yes' when they want to get something going. Maybe it's a foot rub, a neck massage, a certain outfit, a long slow kiss, an erotic movie, a hot bath, snuggling on the couch, a nibble on the ear, the smell of your lover's cologne, or reminiscing about recent sexual adventures.

Pay attention to what turns you on - and don't forget to clue in your partner.

'Let's Get It On...' - The Start-Up

Some people struggle with how to let their partner know when they're "in the mood for love". If you want to increase the odds of generating some interest, I'd suggest asking your partner what kind of approach he/she prefers. Some people like a direct approach while others are turned off without a little romance or seduction. Initiating sex is risky business. Hearing 'no' can feel like rejection - even though there may be a very good reason for your partner's lack of interest. Some couples develop their own signals to let each other know when they're interested - like lighting a certain candle in the bedroom or leaving a stuffed animal on your bedmate's pillow. Even if your partner blows out the candle or tosses the teddy bear, that's a little easier to take than a cold shoulder when you attempt to embrace your lover under the covers. So be creative in coming up with your own private love language - and be sure to listen when your partner clues you in or their start-up preferences.

Getting in the Mood

Maybe you want to have a good sexual relationship with your partner, but you’re one of those people who just never finds yourself ‘in the mood’. What can you do to jumpstart your sex drive?

First you need to decide that you’re going to make sex a higher priority than watching reruns of CSI. Put it on your to-do list. Unless you decide that sex is important in your relationship, you’ll get around to it about as often as you get around to cleaning the coils on your refrigerator.

Once you’ve cleared some space in your head for sex, actively encourage sexual thoughts - like fantasizing about an encounter with the UPS guy who delivered your mini-blinds (guys: substitute the long-legged brunette you noticed roller-blading in the park). Fantasy can get the sexual juices flowing and stir sexual interest in your partner. Pay attention to any spontaneous sexual thoughts you may have and turn up the volume on them. Make it a point to mentally replay favorite sexual memories and adventures you’ve experienced with your partner. Fire up your imagination by watching sexy movies and reading erotic books. Your brain is the best friend you’ve got to help you start up a stalled sex drive, so develop a mental triptik to the places that turn you on and get going.