Internet Porn Cont.'

Internet porn is the crack cocaine of the pornography world. It's always available, there's always something new and different to access, and it's possible to progress from still shots to videos to interactive chat lines and finally, to interactive videos. There's a smorgasborg of sexual behavior to choose from on the internet, including fetishes, sado-masochism, and endless kinky variations on straight sex. All of this novelty and variety is exciting - and is completely controlled by the user.

Internet sex is non-relational so there's nothing to distract users from a focus on their own satisfaction. No messy emotions, no one else to satisfy, no worries about performance - just pure, self-indulgent sexual gratification. Some would ask, "What's not to like?"

The answer to that question lies in the negative impact on relationships when internet porn becomes a substitute for intimacy. The answer also lies in the reinforcement of sex as a purely physical experience, devoid of emotion and spirit. Porn has the potential for dehumanizing sexuality. It should probably carry a warning: Proceed with caution.

Vanilla vs. Mint Chocolate Chip

Do you feel like a failure for not having exciting, television kind of sex? Or feel like the hum-drum sex you have with your partner means the zest is gone from your relationship? You may suffer from an unrealistic set of expectations when it comes to the quantity and quality of sex in your life.

If you're the lower desire person in your relationship, how much sex do you think it would take to satisfy your partner? Maybe you think it's every day, but have you asked? If you and your partner together can set a concrete goal in the sexual arena, then you both know what you're working toward. Let's say you decide on once a week for the frequency. Most of those sexual encounters will probably fall in the vanilla ice cream version of sex - comforting and soothing but not terribly exciting. Then maybe you set another goal of having mint chocolate chip kind of sex at least once a month where you aim for some variety and a more intense flavor. Who knows? You may discover you like mint chocolate chip so much that you want to have it a little more often!

Good Vibrations

Confused about how to choose a vibrator and exactly what to do with it once you get it? Vibrators come in all colors, shapes and sizes and are made from different kinds of materials. Most are battery-operated - though some can be plugged into an electrical outlet - and have controls for speed and intensity. Choosing one is really a matter of personal preference. You'll find the best selection in a sex shop or sex boutique, and if you need help, don't hesitate to ask the sales clerk who is often very knowledgeable. If you wouldn't be caught dead inside a sex shop, vibrators are frequently sold as massagers in drug stores and department stores They can also be purchased on-line or through mail-order catalogues.

When making your selection, think about how it will fit your hand, how the weight feels, and whether it's comfortable to hold. Spring for one of the more expensive models if you can as they are usually built better and are quieter.

Tomorrow I'll talk about how vibrators can be used to enhance sexual pleasure.

Same Old, Same Old

The complaint is as familiar as the start-up routine itself - a predictable set of moves used to get things going between the sheets: "It's the hand moving up and down my back, followed by a grab of my boob and humping me from behind. Why can't he ever change it up a little? Even if I was interested in sex, the same old tired groping ends up turning me off! If he just kissed me on the back of the neck and maybe stroked my hair, I'd get turned on a lot faster. I've tried talking to him about it, but he always gets angry."

And it's not just the start-up routine that lacks variety. How many of you are craving something other than the usual 5-10 minutes of touching and rubbing followed by intercourse in the same one or two positions? Maybe you've gotten lazy - or maybe you're greeted with the big chill when you bring out the furry handcuffs or suggest playing out a nurse/patient fantasy.


There's a certain comfort in predictability - and sometimes a quickie fits the bill perfectly- but novelty is what keeps things interesting and exciting. If you know every move your partner is going to make before they make it (and they know your moves, as well), it's time to do something - ANYTHING - different. Use your imagination. Change positions, change locations, change the start-up, change what you're wearing, change roles. It might take a little more time and energy, but it's easier than changing partners.