Breaking Up Boredom

I've talked about the importance of changing up your sexual routine to keep things interesting, but novelty is also important outside the sexual arena. If your relationship is basically on solid ground but you've fallen into a rut, your sex life will benefit if you put some more excitement into your life as a couple.

Try learning something new together. Take up salsa lessons, sign up for a foreign language class, or visit some wineries to discover some new wines. If you're up for a little more adventure, do some snorkeling or scuba diving, go horseback riding, or learn how to sail. When you engage in activities with your partner that are a little scary, dopamine is released in the brain which enhances both pleasure and bonding.

Don't let boredom zap your zest for life. Keeping things fresh is energizing - both inside and outside the bedroom.

You Want to do WHAT???

If novelty in the bedroom just isn’t your thing, your reaction to your partner’s latest sex toy purchase was probably something on the order of “it will be a cold day in hell…” I understand your reluctance to step out of the comfortable and familiar sexual world you’ve created with your partner. You imagine feeling tense and embarrassed and awkward – the exact opposite of what you want to feel when you’re naked and vulnerable and ready to get it on.

What I’d like to suggest is that you take some baby steps. If your partner wants to use a vibrator during sex play, try it out for awhile when you’re alone so that you get used to it. If it’s dirty talk that turns your partner on but you’ve never been able to get the first dirty word out of your mouth, practice a scaled-down version in front of the mirror until it doesn’t feel like you’re spitting up a hair-ball.

The only way to stretch your comfort zone is to take a few steps out of it – which is, of course, uncomfortable. But by pushing yourself a little bit, the unknown becomes less frightening – and you might even find that you’re the one who’s getting turned on.