Since women's genitals have typically been shrouded in mystery, I thought it might be helpful to specify exactly what we're talking about when we refer to the vulva, especially since it's the vagina that gets most of the attention.
The vulva is composed of the outer lips, the inner lips, the clitoral hood, the tip of the clitoris, the urethral opening, the opening of the vagina, and the mons pubis. The mons pubis is the fleshy mound that's on top of the pubic bone. The inner lips connect to the hood of the clitoris which is why many women like having their inner lips stroked.
When a woman is sexually aroused, the inner lips often swell and open. The clitoris also swells. Did you know that the clitoris is the only organ in the human body whose sole purpose is pleasure? There's a lot of variety in this little structure - on some women, it can barely be seen while others have a clitoris that is very prominent. The variety extends to sensitivity - some are very sensitive while others aren't. Sensitivity can also change depending on the time of the month.
Knowing your sexual anatomy - and that of your partner - is important in maximizing sexual pleasure and satisfaction. Next week I'll move on to little known facts about the vagina.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sex - 'Til Death Do You Part
I'm sometimes asked if it's possible to have a great sex life with someone you've been with for 10, 20, 30 years or more. The short answer to that question is YES. The long answer has to do with modifying your expectations and identifying the sexual benefits of being with a long-term partner.
When a relationship is new, the sex is intense and exciting without any effort at all. In an ongoing relationship, there's a different kind of potential. Sex can develop a greater intimacy and comfort, which may even enhance the probability of women having regular orgasms during sexual encounters. But that doesn't mean there's no longer any excitement. Couples who make sex a priority can keep passion alive by occasionally introducing some unpredictability and novelty into their sex lives.
In a long-term relationship, sex is an important way to stay close and connected. Sometimes it will be great and sometimes it will be mediocre, but it's all good when you focus on the intimacy.
When a relationship is new, the sex is intense and exciting without any effort at all. In an ongoing relationship, there's a different kind of potential. Sex can develop a greater intimacy and comfort, which may even enhance the probability of women having regular orgasms during sexual encounters. But that doesn't mean there's no longer any excitement. Couples who make sex a priority can keep passion alive by occasionally introducing some unpredictability and novelty into their sex lives.
In a long-term relationship, sex is an important way to stay close and connected. Sometimes it will be great and sometimes it will be mediocre, but it's all good when you focus on the intimacy.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sexiest Body Parts
While watching the storm coverage today, I caught a segment of the Today show that reported the results of a survey given to 900 men on what they considered to be a woman's sexiest body part. I don't know who these men were, but their answers seemed a little odd. See what you think:
#1 (42%) - the butt
#2 - the area around the belly button
#3 - the arch of the back
#4 - the back of the neck
#5 - the arch of the foot
#6 - the earlobes
#7 - the back of the knees
OK - I'd like to know where breasts rated on this survey. Were the men just trying to give answers that were not totally obvious? Seriously - earlobes???
I'd like to hear the results of a survey given to women on what they consider the sexiest body part on a man. The women hosting the Today show mentioned abs, jawline, and hands. What's your opinion?
#1 (42%) - the butt
#2 - the area around the belly button
#3 - the arch of the back
#4 - the back of the neck
#5 - the arch of the foot
#6 - the earlobes
#7 - the back of the knees
OK - I'd like to know where breasts rated on this survey. Were the men just trying to give answers that were not totally obvious? Seriously - earlobes???
I'd like to hear the results of a survey given to women on what they consider the sexiest body part on a man. The women hosting the Today show mentioned abs, jawline, and hands. What's your opinion?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Random Facts
I thought you might find it interesting to peek into the sexual practices of other Americans. Obviously they're just the results of what people report in surveys, but it gives some general indication of what's going on in people's sex lives. These facts were reported in the October, 2004 issue of "O" Magazine.
Average number of sex partners an American woman will have in her lifetime: 6.
Average age at which women lose their virginity: 17.
Percentage of women who have sex 2 or 3 times a week: 31.
Percentage who have sex once a week or less: 61.
Percentage of men who say their female partners always have an orgasm during sex: 44.
Percentage of women who actually do: 29.
Percentage of men who enjoy getting oral sex: 45. (huh??)
Percentage of women who love to give it to them: 17.
Average number of sex partners an American woman will have in her lifetime: 6.
Average age at which women lose their virginity: 17.
Percentage of women who have sex 2 or 3 times a week: 31.
Percentage who have sex once a week or less: 61.
Percentage of men who say their female partners always have an orgasm during sex: 44.
Percentage of women who actually do: 29.
Percentage of men who enjoy getting oral sex: 45. (huh??)
Percentage of women who love to give it to them: 17.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Different Kinds of Orgasms?
I've been asked if there is a difference between a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm. These orgasms may feel different because of what area is being stimulated, but generally speaking, what's going on in the body is about the same. The clitoris is actually responsible for the orgasm regardless of where the stimulation is taking place.
Most of the clitoris is erectile tissue inside of a woman's body, so when internal stimulation feels good, it's actually the nerves and tissue of the clitoris that are getting the action. So it could be argued that there is really only one kind of orgasm. But as long as you're getting there, one kind is all it takes.
Most of the clitoris is erectile tissue inside of a woman's body, so when internal stimulation feels good, it's actually the nerves and tissue of the clitoris that are getting the action. So it could be argued that there is really only one kind of orgasm. But as long as you're getting there, one kind is all it takes.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Male and Female Orgasms
Some people wonder if males and females experience orgasm differently. The research indicates that the experience of orgasm is much the same for both sexes. When researchers asked men and women to write down a description of their orgasms, and all gender-specific references were then removed, the researchers couldn't tell whether the descriptions were written by a man or a woman.
Though a man's orgasm is usually accompanied by ejaculation, he can have 'dry' orgasms if he's able to control his PC muscle. A dry orgasm is one in which he feels the sensation of orgasm but doesn't ejaculate. The advantage of a dry orgasm is that a man can keep his erection and prolong the arousal stage.
One significant difference in male and female orgasms is in what happens afterward. Men have a refractory period following ejaculation in which they are unable to achieve an erection. How long the refractory period lasts is dependent on age as well as on factors such as the newness of the relationship and general fitness levels. Women don't experience the equivalent of a refractory period and are able to have multiple orgasms.
With all the differences that exist in male and female sexuality, it's kind of nice to know that the experience of orgasm is pretty much the same. Now, if the experience of orgasm just provided the same level of motivation for having sex in both men and women...
Though a man's orgasm is usually accompanied by ejaculation, he can have 'dry' orgasms if he's able to control his PC muscle. A dry orgasm is one in which he feels the sensation of orgasm but doesn't ejaculate. The advantage of a dry orgasm is that a man can keep his erection and prolong the arousal stage.
One significant difference in male and female orgasms is in what happens afterward. Men have a refractory period following ejaculation in which they are unable to achieve an erection. How long the refractory period lasts is dependent on age as well as on factors such as the newness of the relationship and general fitness levels. Women don't experience the equivalent of a refractory period and are able to have multiple orgasms.
With all the differences that exist in male and female sexuality, it's kind of nice to know that the experience of orgasm is pretty much the same. Now, if the experience of orgasm just provided the same level of motivation for having sex in both men and women...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The Best Positions
Yesterday I talked about the limitations of intercourse in producing female orgasms. Today I want to mention a few positions that are more orgasm-friendly, which are generally those that allow for more stimulation of the clitoris or create more pressure on the G-spot.
When a woman is on top during intercourse, she has more control over the action and can position herself for maximum clitoral contact. She can move in a style and a rhythm that is more conducive to increasing her arousal, which is ultimately more likely to produce orgasm.
Another position, often referred to as the 'rising missionary', involves the woman being on her back with her feet on her partner's shoulders. If her partner enters her from a kneeling position, he can manually stroke her clitoris while achieving a deep penetration that puts pressure on the G-spot.
And then there's the thing called 'coital alignment technique' (CAT) which involves a man positioning the base of his penis and pelvic bone so that the clitoris receives constant stimulation during intercourse. Then, instead of thrusting, it's a rocking motion that's called for, which creates steady pressure on the area between the woman's pubic bone and the vagina.
Even with these positions, most women will still require some foreplay prior to intercourse if they're going to get to the big "O". It's worth doing some experimenting.
When a woman is on top during intercourse, she has more control over the action and can position herself for maximum clitoral contact. She can move in a style and a rhythm that is more conducive to increasing her arousal, which is ultimately more likely to produce orgasm.
Another position, often referred to as the 'rising missionary', involves the woman being on her back with her feet on her partner's shoulders. If her partner enters her from a kneeling position, he can manually stroke her clitoris while achieving a deep penetration that puts pressure on the G-spot.
And then there's the thing called 'coital alignment technique' (CAT) which involves a man positioning the base of his penis and pelvic bone so that the clitoris receives constant stimulation during intercourse. Then, instead of thrusting, it's a rocking motion that's called for, which creates steady pressure on the area between the woman's pubic bone and the vagina.
Even with these positions, most women will still require some foreplay prior to intercourse if they're going to get to the big "O". It's worth doing some experimenting.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Limitations of Intercourse
When most people think of sex, they think of intercourse. However, intercourse has serious limitations when it comes to female orgasm. A great number of women are unable to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, and most find it difficult without significant foreplay prior to the main event. Standard positions for intercourse simply don't provide enough direct stimulation of the clitoris for orgasm to occur.
The easiest way for most women to reach orgasm is through manual or oral contact with the clitoris. The use of a vibrator is an additional means of stimulation and often brings quick results. Women need to be assertive in asking for the kind of touch that will help them achieve orgasm because if they're not experiencing maximum pleasure and satisfaction, it becomes one more reason to avoid sex altogether.
Orgasm needn't be the holy grail of every sexual encounter, but you'll be a lot more likely to increase your desire if you're getting the most out of your sex life.
The easiest way for most women to reach orgasm is through manual or oral contact with the clitoris. The use of a vibrator is an additional means of stimulation and often brings quick results. Women need to be assertive in asking for the kind of touch that will help them achieve orgasm because if they're not experiencing maximum pleasure and satisfaction, it becomes one more reason to avoid sex altogether.
Orgasm needn't be the holy grail of every sexual encounter, but you'll be a lot more likely to increase your desire if you're getting the most out of your sex life.
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Great Sneeze
I'm back! The book is being submitted to the publisher this week, so now I have a little breathing room for posting on a regular basis. I've received a few questions on orgasms, so that will be my theme for this week.
I'll start with the most basic question: What does an orgasm feel like, and how do I know if I've had one? You can probably guess this question didn't come from a man. Women's sexuality is complex, and these questions aren't surprising given how little permission women have been given to explore their sexual responses.
When I was teaching a lot of sex education classes, I was frequently asked what an orgasm felt like. My usual response was that it's a lot like a sneeze - not the kind that sneaks up on you out of the blue, but the kind that starts with a tickle in the nose. The tickle is followed by a building of pressure and anticipation, and when the sneeze finally 'comes', there's a great feeling of release. An orgasm is a series of contractions that follows a build-up of sexual tension and arousal. Not all orgasms are equally intense, but they're extremely pleasurable and leave you feeling satisfied and relaxed. Once you've experienced one, you'll have no trouble recognizing one in the future.
Now you may never experience sneezing in the same way again!
I'll start with the most basic question: What does an orgasm feel like, and how do I know if I've had one? You can probably guess this question didn't come from a man. Women's sexuality is complex, and these questions aren't surprising given how little permission women have been given to explore their sexual responses.
When I was teaching a lot of sex education classes, I was frequently asked what an orgasm felt like. My usual response was that it's a lot like a sneeze - not the kind that sneaks up on you out of the blue, but the kind that starts with a tickle in the nose. The tickle is followed by a building of pressure and anticipation, and when the sneeze finally 'comes', there's a great feeling of release. An orgasm is a series of contractions that follows a build-up of sexual tension and arousal. Not all orgasms are equally intense, but they're extremely pleasurable and leave you feeling satisfied and relaxed. Once you've experienced one, you'll have no trouble recognizing one in the future.
Now you may never experience sneezing in the same way again!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Questions
OK - I'm still editing my book, but I'm making good progress. One more week, and I should have it completed. For those of you still checking in with me, I appreciate your patience. I'd like to return to posting, but I could use your help. With most of my brain power being devoted to book rewrites, I need some suggestions for posting topics. I'd love to hear the questions I know you're just dying to ask about sex, and I'll try my best to answer them.
Just send me your questions by email - with or without identifying yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Just send me your questions by email - with or without identifying yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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