What's Up?

"What's wrong?" "Nothing." How often does that conversation take place in your relationship? If you're on the asking side of that 'conversation', you're probably picking up some non-verbal cues that tell you something is going on with your partner. Without any feedback, you're left to wonder if there's a problem at work, a problem in the relationship, a physical problem, or whether it's just a bad mood. Of course, there may be no problem at all, but "nothing" just doesn't do much to put your mind at ease.

If you're the one being asked the question, you may feel irritated about being put on the spot. Maybe there's nothing wrong or maybe you're just not ready to talk about it if there is something wrong. Or you're afraid of getting into a fight or you're one of those people who gets more upset when you talk about whatever is upsetting you.

The problem here is that shutting your partner out creates distance. It opens up space for negative - and often incorrect - assumptions. It erodes trust and directly impacts intimacy. Bottom line, it's dishonest to say nothing is wrong if something is bugging you. If you don't know exactly what it is or you're not yet ready to talk about, it's better to say that. At the same time, give your partner some reassurance that you'll clue them in sometime in the near future - or as soon as you figure it out.

Sexuality thrives in an atmosphere of connection and open communication. You can't close the door on communication and expect an open door to intimacy. So the next time your partner asks, "What's wrong?", you might want to think twice before responding in your usual fashion.