Sexless

There's a book, The Sex-Starved Marriage, that I frequently recommend to couples who are struggling with their sexual relationship. But what exactly constitutes a 'sex-starved' or 'sexless' marriage? Both terms are most likely ones used by the higher desire partner to describe a relationship in which they feel like they have to beg, plead, and pressure to get any sex. But does it mean that there's no sex at all going on?

Not usually. It's not unusual, however, for me to see couples whose last sexual encounter took place months ago. If one of the partners is feeling 'starved' for sex, there's a problem even if the couple is having sex once a week. Sexual needs and desires have to be negotiated. There's no magic number that describes the frequency of sex for happily married couples. If you're with a partner who wants sex every day, and you're content with sex once a month, both of you have some work to do to make sure you're reaching out and attempting to honor the difference in your levels of desire. Just ignoring the difference is a setup for resentment and conflict.