Too Much Masturbation?

I've written before about masturbation, but I was recently asked about the role it plays in relationships. Can masturbating have a negative effect on a couple's sexual relationship? The answer, of course, is it depends.

In an effort to manage desire differences, a higher desire person may masturbate occasionally rather than expect to have all their sexual needs met by their partner. That can be a good thing. Or if a partner is unavailable for sex due to absence, illness, or disability, masturbation is a good outlet for pent-up sexual energy.

But if someone is masturbating in place of having sex with a willing and available partner, then there's a problem. That may sound like a strange choice, but it happens. The advantage of masturbation over partner sex is that you focus solely on yourself, you stimulate yourself in exactly the way you like to be stimulated, and you're free to fantasize or view pornography in the process. Some people prefer solo sex over partner sex because there's no one else's needs to complicate things. But I probably don't have to spell out how that might negatively affect a couple's sexual relationship.