When One Head Isn't Working....

A man came up after a workshop to speak with me privately. He was obviously embarrased and uncomfortable and I had to strain to hear him. He confessed that he'd lost his sex drive since turning 50 a year ago and wondered what was wrong with him. He'd checked out ok at the doctor, but his wife was insisting that he "do something" to fix the problem. Trouble was, he didn't know how to fix a problem he couldn't name. And he was too ashamed about having the problem to seek help.

Time didn't allow for an exploration of the possible causes of this man's sexual shut-down, but it helped him to know that he's not alone. Many men of the boomer generation are flopping - so to speak - in the desire department. We just don't hear as much about them because men feel 'unmanly' when their sex drive becomes a whisper instead of a roar. But men are subject to the same desire-killers as women: antidepressants, stress, fatigue, medications for high blood pressure and diabetes, depression, low self esteem, resentment and many others. The challenge for men is to acknowledge the problem and then to become solution-focused. The solutions may involve changes in medication, lifestyle, a relationship, work, and/or sexual activity. The latter might include becoming less orgasm focused or introducing more novelty into the sexual repertoire. In other words, men, when one head isn't working, use the other.