Treading Carefully

It probably doesn't surprise you that there's a high correlation between sexual dissatisfaction and a reluctance to discuss sexual matters with a partner. In a survey of 100,000 married women, the wives' ability to talk about sex with their husbands was the strongest indicator of sexual satisfaction. And the more they talked, the happier they rated their sex lives.

But even though we live in a culture that is sexually saturated, sex talk still poses a problem for lots of couples. I often hear from a partner who has bravely tried to initiate a discussion of sexual preferences with their significant other and is met with silence or defensiveness. Embarrassment is an issue, of course, but feeling threatened in an area of great vulnerability is usually the trigger for a defensive reaction.

Any sexual feedback needs to be accompanied by a lot of reassurance and an emphasis on the positive. You can ask for what you want without criticizing what you're getting. It's an area where it's important to tread gingerly. Just don't allow the sensitivity to shut you down.