After challenging - and hopefully quieting - the shaming and guilt-inducing voices inside your head, it's helpful to do some reading about sex. There are many good sex manuals available these days - just go to your local bookstore or check out some titles on amazon.com.
Then gradually begin introducing some behaviors that will help you become more comfortable with sex. Tune into your senses, move more awareness into your body, explore your body's response to touch, and explore non-sexual touch with your partner. You don't need to rush. If something you try feels too uncomfortable, go back to the previous step and stay there for awhile before moving on. If you're trying new things with your partner, ask them to go slowly and to be patient with you. Continue to challenge any shaming messages that come up. Take some deep breaths.
The reprogramming process may take awhile, but it's well worth the effort. You deserve to have a sex life that's comfortable and that enriches your relationship.
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