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Saturday, December 8, 2007

The Joy of Imperfection

I received an email from a woman who has been married for 40 years. She said that she and her husband had a great sex life for the first 39 years (!) but that it started falling apart a year ago. It began with some failed erections. That wasn't a big deal to her but was a big deal for her husband. Things got a little better when he started taking Cialis, but he eventually discontinued it. She described their current sex life as quick, mechanical, and unsatisfying. Her husband no longer worries about pleasing her because all of his focus is on getting himself off.

When their equipment no longer functions perfectly, men may become consumed with 'making' it work during sexual encounters. That consuming effort not only inhibits the functioning they're trying to improve, but also leaves their partner out in the cold. What's important to women is not a totally reliable sex machine, but a loving partner who is giving and is emotionally present.

It's a huge relief when people can give themselves permission to be joyfully imperfect in their sexual functioning. The imperfection can lead to a whole new realm of sexual discovery.

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