If you're one of those people who just can't seem to utter the simplest of apologies to your partner, you might want to take a closer look at what makes it so difficult.
How strong is your need to be 'right'? Maybe you're a perfectionist and being wrong just isn't acceptable. So you deflect blame, rationalize and justify your behavior, and make yourself into the victim when your partner is upset with you. As long as you can maintain the victim position(e.g. "She knew I'd had a bad day - she should never have asked for my help when she knew how tired I was - she's just too sensitive - everybody yells sometimes."), there's really no need to apologize.
Another closely related barrier to apologies is the difficulty with taking a one-down position. Going one-down can feel very vulnerable. It's giving up power - and for those couples who stay locked into power struggles, relinquishing any power doesn't feel safe. There's a fear of the partner exploiting any vulnerability and using it to their advantage.
If either of these dynamics is operating in your relationship, you might want to consider some individual and/or couple counseling. Freeing yourself from these barriers to intimacy can do wonders in improving your sexual relationship.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment