Swinging

Statistics on the number of people who engage in swinging are hard to come by, but it's probably more than you would guess. Or maybe I'm just tainted by the number of times I hear about it in my practice. The people who belong to swinger's clubs are often the ones you would least suspect - the PTA president, the couple you sit next to at your grandson's softball games, the couple who help pass the collection plates at church - seemingly solid, ordinary citizens.

The rationale for swinging typically has to do with spicing up a couple's sex life. The couple believes that as long as swapping partners is done openly and honestly, it doesn't pose a risk to their relationship. In fact, I've heard many couples report that having sex with others actually improves sex with each other.

So what's the down side to swinging? Again, I may be tainted because the couples I see are the ones who are experiencing some problems, but I believe it's a hard lifestyle to sustain without problems. It may start off ok. It's exciting and different and intense. But often attachments develop. What follows are unsanctioned, secret liasions which contain the same betrayal as any affair. Keeping everything on the up and up - strictly physical, total disclosure - is a balancing act that's hard for most couples to manage. Partnerships are tough enough to manage without adding high-risk behavior to the mix. My advice? Play it out in fantasy - there's a lot less to lose.