I was reading a novel by Joyce Carol Oates recently and came across a passage I thought was a good description of how so many women experience desire. Here's the quote, from Black Water: "As he kissed her those several times, kissing, sucking, groping....she felt the jolt of desire: not her desire, but the man's. As, since girlhood, kissing and being kissed, Kelly Kelleher had always felt, not her own, but the other's, the male's, desire. Quick and galvanizing as an electric shock. Feeling too, once she caught her breath, that familiar wave of anxiety, guilt -- I've made you want me, now I can't refuse you."
Even women who've gotten in touch with their own desire often depend on men to activate it. Set the mood, whisper the right words, touch the right places and then maybe she'll get turned on enough to be a full participant.
Part of claiming your sexuality is taking responsibility for turning yourself on. Not that your partner doesn't have a significant role to play, but being completely responsible for your sexual responses is an unfair burden to impose on your partner. It's time for sexual equality - both inside and outside of the bedroom.
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