A lot of unhappiness in relationships starts when you find yourself wanting something you're not getting - attention, validation, romance, time, support, etc. Of course, in a good relationship, you'll have those things. But it's when your ego goes seeking something from your partner - trying to get what you want - that the trouble begins.
Tolle says, "(the ego) uses people and situations to get what it wants, and even when it succeeds, it is never satisfied for long. ....the gap between "I want" and "what is" becomes a constant source of upset and anguish."
In real love, there is no wanting. Love doesn't seek to be filled up by the other. Love is a genuine presence with another. And what does the issue of wanting have to do with sex? As long as you're wanting something from your partner, you're ripe for resentment when you don't get it. Hidden agendas and frustrated wanting are enemies of intimacy. Accepting "what is" opens the door to exactly what you want.
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