Asexuality

There was a letter in the advice column in the Courier-Journal today from a woman who described herself as asexual. She had never had any sexual desire and was repulsed not only by the idea of sex but even by kissing on the mouth. She was seeking a male partner for companionship and wondered if there were others out there like herself.

Many people that I see in my practice who are repulsed by sex have been victims of sexual trauma. However, there's a lot of variety in the human population, and I wouldn't argue that asexuality doesn't exist in the absence of trauma. There’s even an organization for people who consider themselves to be asexual.

Founded by David Jay who considers asexuality to be an orientation rather than a choice, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network now has more than 6,000 members. The organization is working to legitimize asexuality and is probably a good arena for asexual people to hook up with an asexual partner. That could avoid a lot of struggle and frustration!

I'm not sure whether asexuality is an orientation you're born with - and even if it is, I'm not convinced that it takes away choice in how someone manages their sexuality. My concern about asexuality is that it might be another example of how sexuality is too narrowly defined. Just because someone doesn't have sexual feelings doesn't mean they're not a sexual being.