Hugging

How often do you and your partner hug? How long do the hugs last? For some, a hug is simply a way to say hello or goodbye and usually lasts no more than a couple of seconds. Even the hugs that offer comfort and connection are typically ended within five to six seconds.

David Schnarch, the author of Passionate Marriage, recommends a different kind of hugging to the couples he counsels. He calls it hugging till relaxed. It's not rocket science - it's just putting your arms around your partner, focusing on yourself, and quieting yourself down. Way down. It's important that both people are balanced on their own two feet rather than leaning into each other. As you both relax, you may find that your breathing becomes synchronized.

Hugging till relaxed requires a connection with yourself which then makes it safe to connect with your partner. It is both self-soothing and a path to intimacy. Try taking your hugs to a deeper level - you may find more than just relaxation.