I've talked several times about the power of our mind to create desire and enhance sexual functioning. The brain has often been referred to as our largest sexual organ. But the mind can also interfere with sexual response. It's not just racing thoughts and past hurts and worries about tomorrow's presentation that can shut down your body's ability to respond. The overly-active mind also engages in watching.
Watching yourself - or watching your partner - during sexual activity can turn sex into something of a spectator sport. I don't mean looking into your partner's eyes which can actually increase intimacy. I'm talking about becoming your own audience and mentally observing how you or your partner is performing. The running mental commentary can sound very much like a sports broadcaster doing a play-by-play during a basketball game.
It's not easy to stop observing and just be present during sex, but you can get better with practice. When you find yourself slipping into observation mode, just gently bring yourself back to your partner - by making eye contact, talking, kissing, etc. Your body will thank you - and so might your partner.
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