I've talked in previous posts about the importance of openly addressing 'technical difficulties' that crop up in a sexual relationship. Though men's problems are often performance-focused, women and men alike can have trouble achieving orgasm - either occasionally or on a chronic basis. I've discussed the need for open talk, but I haven't addressed the need to take the pressure off.
Pressure - and the anxiety which accompanies it - work against the body's natural sexual response. The more you try to make something happen, the less likely it's going to happen. The way to interrupt this frustrating sequence is to change your expectations. Stop going for a specific outcome, whether that be an erection, intercourse, or an orgasm (yours or your partner's). Focus instead on touch, connection, and intimacy. Your sense of comfort and safety in being physical with your partner has been contaminated by frustration or fear of failure and needs to be re-established before anything different can happen.
An orgasm is great, but it's problematic when it becomes the holy grail of every sexual encounter. Reducing the pressure increases the probability of arousal which will lead to orgasm - but even if it doesn't, you're still a lot more likely to have a good time.
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