Sex Gone Wrong

As a therapist, I hear a lot of stories about sex gone wrong - not just the missteps in couples' sexual relationships, but terrible perversions and abuses of sexuality. You don't have to be a therapist to hear those stories. They're depicted on television, in movies, and in books. You may have your own story of past abuse, or you may listen in horror as a friend relates the details of a recent rape.

How do you keep the bad sexual stuff separate from healthy, joyful sexuality? The bad stuff certainly has the potential for contaminating your experience of sex. After dealing with a particularly terrible case of child sexual abuse, I have temporarily experienced some aversion for the sexual impulse behind the twisted behavior that wounds the tender psyche of someone young and vulnerable.

It's important to have a method for getting the stories and images of distorted sexuality out of your head. It might be talking about it with a trusted friend - writing about it - even devising a cleansing ritual if the impact is severe enough. It's also helpful to remember that many things in life have the capacity to heal as well as destroy. Destructive sexual behavior is not an indictment of sexuality, but it is evidence of sexuality's power. It would be a big mistake to allow the destructive potential of sex blind you to its pleasure and life-giving potential.