Sexual Prime

It's commonly believed that men reach their sexual prime somewhere around 18, and women reach their prime some years later. In his book, Passionate Marriage, David Schnarch suggests that we've confused genital prime with sexual prime. I think it's a very helpful distinction.

Sexual prime typically refers to overall level of sexual interest, the quickness of the body to respond to sexual cues, and for men, rock-hard erections and a short refractory period. All of those characteristics are physically based. But do young people really have better sex? Think back to your younger days - was sex better or worse than it is today? OK, maybe it was more often - but was it really better?

It's tough to be sexually intimate when you don't yet know who you are. It's your self that you bring to sex, and because the best sex is a lot more than hard bodies mixing it up, your sexual peak is more likely to be reached when your 50 or 60 than when you're 18. It takes time to develop a full sense of self, and it takes even more time to develop a comfort level in sharing that self in an intimate way. It's emotional maturation rather than physical maturation that really determines your sexual prime. So maybe it's time to begin thinking of yourself as a prime-time player.