Foreplay

You probably know that foreplay begins long before you get around to touching, kissing, and shedding clothes. It's the flirtation in the morning, the phone call mid-day, the pitching in to help with evening chores, or the conversation (with the TV off) about each other's day.

In Just Do It, one of the couple's favorite experiments was making a list of the things they loved about each other and then taking turns reading them aloud to each other. They were amazed at how good it felt to hear all the positive feedback, but equally amazed at how focusing on each other's great qualities made them feel very close - and very lucky.

An exercise I frequently recommend to my clients comes from Getting the Love You Want. I simplify it somewhat, but basically each person writes down at least 20 ways to complete the sentence: "I feel loved and cared about when you..." I ask them to include things their partner has done in the past, is currently doing, and has never done. It's also important to be behaviorally specific - so instead of writing 'when you're affectionate', you might write 'when you hold my hand when we're walking at the mall'. After each person completes their list, they trade lists and begin doing the things that make their partner feel loved and cared about - without keeping score.

Feeling loved is one of the best aphrodesiacs around. It might help you to know exactly what it is that makes your partner feel that way.

I will be on vacation until July 22nd. I'll resume blogging when I return.