If your desire has taken a hike, you probably don't view it as a gift. But strange as it may seem, there may be some benefits hidden in your low desire. If you're having trouble getting motivated to do anything about your low desire, there's a pretty good chance that you're getting something out of staying exactly where you are. Identifying the possible payoffs of staying stuck can help you get unstuck.
Low desire may protect you from being too vulnerable in your relationship. You may feel safer when there's limited intimacy. It can also be a step out of powerlessness by exercising some control over when sex occurs. It can be an opportunity to express anger toward your partner without direct confrontation. It can be a passive form of punishment.
Do you recognize yourself in any of the above scenarios? When you become aware of unconscious payoffs of maintaining low desire, you can choose what you want to do about them.
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