Sometimes scarcity isn't an illusion at all when it comes to opportunities for sex in a long-term relationship. Teenage children who are awake at all hours, long hours spent at work, a partner who travels frequently, caregiving for aging parents - there is no shortage of demands on your time, energy, and availability. When you have to struggle just to carve out some time for intimacy, desire may arise out of the struggle.
If lack of opportunity isn't your problem, you can create desire by building anticipation for something that isn't available now, but soon will be. Whether it's a seductive phone call during the work day or modeling sexy lingerie you're saving for an upcoming weekend getaway, the buildup creates passion. Or you can experiment with having sex in places or situations you would normally consider off-limits - on your back deck after the neighbors have gone to bed, in the car during one of the band's breaks, very silently in your bedroom when your parents are visiting - you get the idea.
There's a place for routine, predictable, comforting sex. But when you crave something more, engaging in the forbidden and the unexpected can always create some excitement.
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