If your feeling about sex is more aversion than disinterest - in other words, you're in the minus range on the sexual desire scale - it's important to identify the source of your sexual shutdown. Did you enjoy sex at another time in your life? With someone else? Is your shutdown rooted in problems within your relationship or is it due to past sexual trauma, shame, or guilt?
The answers to those questions aren't always easy to come by. Sometimes there are layers of sexual wounding that have led you to create a wall of self-protection around your sexuality. For example, long-standing guilt about an affair or shame about having contracted a sexually transmitted disease may have led to an avoidance of sex. That avoidance can then spell trouble in a relationship which compounds the sexual issues.
Sexual aversion in your relationship is a problem best addressed in therapy. If you're reluctant to start with couple therapy, begin therapy individually. The problem is unlikely to get better without some outside help.
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