Connecting

I've posted a lot about the role of touch and the role of sex in keeping a couple connected. For many people, however, touch is not comfortable until they feel connected first. If a lack of connection is blocking your physical response to your partner, it's important to be proactive in creating that connection. Waiting passively for closeness to materialize in a relationship prior to being available for sex can be a form of avoidance or an ineffective attempt to get your needs met.

Being proactive means that you let your partner know what you need in order to feel close whether that's talking, spending non-sexual time together, being noticed and appreciated, working together on projects, resolving a conflict, or just being heard. After sharing your needs, do your part to create opportunities for those needs to be met - suggesting a special night out, asking for help, or letting your partner know when you need their full attention.

If your partner comes through, you might not have a good excuse to avoid sex any longer - but chances are, you won't be loooking for an excuse.