More Alike than Different

I was recently asked if same-sex couples need to approach the problem of low desire any differently than opposite-sex couples. Though male/female relationships are my reference point when posting, I do that primarily for the ease of writing. I apologize for my lack of inclusivity. I wish there was a way to write with more gender-neutral pronouns.

In answer to the question, I approach low desire in gay and lesbian relationships the same way I do in heterosexual relationships. Making sex a higher priority, deciding to be more sexual, attending to one's partner, nurturing intimacy, staying fully engaged with the senses - all of these suggestions are relevant regardless of your sexual orientation.

I do believe that sex is a more loaded issue for many gays because of our society's great difficulty with accepting differences. Labeling gay sex as perverted, unnatural, or sick creates enormous shame and discomfort which can contaminate gay relationships and contribute to low desire. Sexual reprogramming is often needed for straight individuals to have a healthy sexual relationship. For gays and lesbians, it's essential.