Giving What You Want to Get

Early in my marriage, my husband would give me potted plants for special occasions. They were beautiful plants, but what I really wanted was fresh-cut flowers. I tried to let him know my preference, but I had to nudge him several more times before he finally 'got it'. It just didn't make sense to him why I would want flowers that died after only a few days when I could have a plant that lived forever.

Bottom line, my request didn't need to make sense. However, we often give to others what we think 'makes sense' - usually meaning what we, ourselves, would like to get if the roles were reversed.

It works that way with sex, as well. If you like nothing better than having your body stroked with a feathery light touch, you're likely to use that kind of touch with your partner - who might just find it downright irritating. That's another reason why giving and receiving feedback about each other's sexual preferences is so valuable. When it comes to sex (and lots of other things), I'd suggest this revision of the golden rule: Do to others what they would want you to do to them.