Power Balance

Using sex as leverage or withholding sex as punishment is an outgrowth of differences in desire. The person in a relationship who has less interest in sex holds power over their partner whether they want that power or not. The imbalance of power can be minimized if both partners are committed to the goal of a healthy sexual relationship.

When sex is viewed as an important source of bonding rather than simply a physical need, differences in desire are managed through mutual accomodation and concern for the relationship. The low desire person cares about sex both because it's important to their partner and because it enhances the intimacy in their relationship.

A balance of power is important because true intimacy requires it. When sex becomes a power struggle, a lot more is at stake than your sex life.