Whose Need Counts?

I recently got an email from a woman who felt very rejected after a failed attempt to initiate sex with her husband. She let him know she was interested, and he put her off because of a basketball game he was watching. You can probably guess what story she told herself about his response - something on the order of "he cares more about that damn game than he cares about me".

It's hard not to take rejection personally - especially in the sexual arena -but the husband could just as easily have been offended at his wife's uncaring attitude toward his investment in the game. There's no right or wrong when partners have conflicting needs. The important thing is how the different needs are handled. The wife could have joined her husband in watching the remainder of the game, the husband could have taped the game to watch later, or they could simply have made a commitment to a sex date at a later time.

Taking each other's needs seriously is the key to finding solutions that work for both partners. In a relationship, the needs of both count.