If your partner holds up their end of the no-sex agreement and stops pressuring you for sex, you'll probably find it a lot easier to start closing the gap and increasing your affection. Take it in stages, gradually increasing the intimacy of your touch.
When you feel ready to become sexual, ask your partner for another time period (of your choosing) in which you'll be the only one to initiate sex. If your partner balks at this arrangement (thinking that you'll never get your engine started), give a gentle reminder that you're making a real effort to improve the sexual relationship and that eventually, both of you will be free to initiate intimacy.
Of course, you do need to actually take the initiative. Don't wait until you feel aroused. Act out of your desire for a closer relationship. Set the stage, set the pace, and ask for what you want and need. Taking the initiative may sound like a lot of effort, but directing the action can be a refreshing change from being directed. Just ask Clint Eastwood.
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