Differences In Desire

One of the most common sexual problems presented by couples in therapy is differences in desire. It's a rare couple who are perfectly matched in the desire department, and the differences can be a major source of conflict. The higher desire partner experiences of lot of hurt and rejection when their overtures are rejected, and the lower desire partner often feels pressured and resentful. It's easy to see how the problem escalates and begins to affect the entire relationship. What's the answer?

First, you have to value the wants and needs of your partner. Make a sincere attempt to step inside your partner's head and understand what their desire or lack of desire is really about. If you're the higher desire partner, explain what you 'get' from making love and why it's important to you. If you're the lower desire partner, explain your difficulty with getting in the mood and what it's like to lack spontaneous desire. Talking without criticizing or attacking is the only path to problem-solving.

Tomorrow I'll post on how to do the problem-solving.