Doing 'With'

In the last post, I wrote about arousal as a mutual responsibility. Just as your partner is not solely responsible for turning you on, neither is your partner responsible for 'getting you off'. Our sexual language is full of words and phrases that emphasize one individual acting upon another, as in doing things 'to' and 'for' your partner rather than 'with' them.

That may not seem like a big deal, but the words we use to describe sexual behavior have shaped our experience of sexuality. Women particularly are often portrayed as passive recipients of male sexual acts. Intercourse, itself, is generally described as something males do to females - with the focus on penetration rather than merging. We talk about 'making' someone come or 'giving' someone an orgasm which seems to suggest that the recipient had little to do with it.

The more you engage sexually 'with' your partner, the more satisfied you're both likely to be.