The 'Right' Orgasm

When orgasm is the primary goal of lovemaking, the timing and quality of orgasms becomes way too important. Women worry about taking too long and men worry about coming too soon. A woman's multiple orgasms become a measure of her lover's skill. A man's ability to have multiple orgasms is viewed as proof of his virility (though more accurately a proof of his youth). Men and women can both feel like failures if their orgasms are not simultaneous. What is it that we're really trying to prove?

Because our sexuality is an area of great vulnerability, we all want to feel 'good enough'. One of the values of sex within an intimate relationship is that we can drop our need to impress and be truly present in the moment. But even within an intimate relationship, society's sexual indoctrination still takes its toll. When couples are able to talk to each other about their sex lives, they can take some pressure off the need for every sexual encounter to have a preordained ending. Then orgasms can be a delightful component of sex - or not.