If you've withdrawn affection in order to avoid sex in your relationship, you can probably fit a football field into the emotional distance between you and your partner. So even if you've decided to work on decreasing that distance, you're probably not yet ready to jump back into steamy sex. You need to work up to it.
Tell your partner that you're willing to work on your sexual relationship but you first need to feel more connected. Ask for a no-sex agreement for a set period of time ( usually anywhere from 2 weeks to a month, depending on how far you've drifted apart). That means your partner doesn't push, pressure, or even attempt to initiate sex during that time. Your job during this pressure-free period is to be very intentional in restoring affectionate touch to the relationship. Whether you feel spontaneously affectionate or not. Hold hands, hug, give a neck massage or a foot rub, sit close together on the couch, kiss, etc.
Tomorrow I'll post on what happens next.
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