Men often define themselves by what they do in the world and feel valued primarily for their accomplishments. This achievement orientation is evident in their sexual lives as well. The emphasis of their sexual behavior is on technique, timing, and lovemaking skill - all aimed at delivering an explosive orgasm for themselves and their partner. That's a lot of pressure.
Women may complain of men's sexual selfishness, but in reality, men may not be selfish enough. In their focus on performance, they miss out on the opportunity to just 'be' - to fully experience the flow of the sexual interaction. Sex can be one more project at which men must succeed. As long as men are 'success objects', they will miss out on the richness and intimacy available in sexual union.
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