Getting It Together

Each of the arousal styles I've discussed in the last few days is normal and common. One is not better than another. Though each person may have a preferred mode for getting aroused, it's also common to be comfortable with all three styles. Which style is used may depend on mood, energy level, time available, and how you're feeling about your partner at the moment. You may also move easily between different styles in the same sexual encounter.

Merging the three styles requires an awareness of the differences and a willingness to work with your partner to achieve mutual arousal. It helps if you're tuned into your partner and can sense their availability for your particular preference. When each of you are in a different arousal mode, cooperation and collaboration are needed to enhance each other's pleasure.

It's important to avoid negative interpretations of your partner's style. If your partner goes within to get aroused, it doesn't indicate a lack of love or desire for you. If your partner wants to introduce some novelty into your sex life, it doesn't mean you're no longer a turn-on. Talking about your preferences and sharing why certain things help you get aroused may increase your partner's willingness to better accomodate your style - and you, theirs.

Learning to accept and include different arousal styles in your lovemaking is an important sexual skill. You might have to stretch outside your comfort zone - but that's often where excitement lies.