Self-Soothing

I recently posted about 'hugging until relaxed' which is a way to connect to your partner as well as a way to soothe yourself. But the ability to self-soothe - without your partner - is a vital skill in a relationship. Self-soothing involves rediscovering your center when you've been thrown off-balance. It means stabilizing your emotions and not over-reacting to others, especially your partner.

A relationship offers lots of opportunities to practice self-soothing. When your partner lets you down, makes unreasonable demands, or just asserts his/her differentness, it's easy to lose your equilibrium. When you can take a deep breath, quiet your mind, and become comfortable in your body, you can stay connected to your partner even when tension surfaces. You can recognize your partner as a separate individual who experiences the world very differently than you do.

Once you learn to take care of your own heart and mind, you'll be free to care for the heart and mind of your lover. And when you're able to do that, you'll also be free to care for each other's bodies.