Kinky or Creepy?

When does an unusual sexual practice cross the line from kinky to creepy? Even getting to a definition of 'unusual' isn't easy. Mild bondage? Dirty talk? Cross-dressing? What's normal for one person is way out there for another. Obviously, there's a lot of variation in sexual practices - with some decidedly more adventurous than others. But aside from those differences in what each person finds comfortable, are there sexual behaviors between consenting adults that are pathological?

Sex therapists and other mental health professionals usually consider sexual behavior to be pathological when a specific stimulus or object is necessary for the person to become aroused. For example, if a man can only get turned on if his partner is wearing fur, that's considered problematic because he's not really relating to his partner as much as he is to what she's wearing. People who are compulsive and/or obsessive in their sexual practices tend to have a very narrow range of sexual responses.

The real problem here is that sex gets reduced to a physical act that's both mechanistic and ritualistic. It leaves out the emotional, spiritual, and relational aspects of sexuality - and precludes real intimacy. That may or may not be pathological in your book, but if that's all there is, there's a problem somewhere.