Letting Go By Holding On

Many women who have difficulty reaching orgasm believe that the problem is their trouble with 'letting go'. They may be barking up the wrong tree when they try harder and harder to make themselves let go. Kind of like somebody trying hard to be spontaneous. Exactly what does letting go mean?

From what I hear, most people assume that letting go means letting go of control - and that is what they just can't seem to do. They may be holding on for good reason. They may have a history of sexual abuse or other unsafe experiences where letting go would be a disaster. It's only safe to 'let go' when you have a strong grip on yourself. David Schnarch says, "It takes more self-control, not less, to really 'let go'. It's the proverbial 'tight grip on a loose rein.'"

So rather than trying to lose control, it makes more sense to learn to hold onto yourself. It's the only dependable way to feel safe and relaxed enough to follow your feelings into orgasm.