Stretching

A difference in desired frequency of sex is not the only source of struggle in many couples' sexual relationship. Having different sexual styles is also very common. Fights erupt over whose style will win out and whose sexual preferences will be incorporated into the couple's sexual life.

In a healthy relationship, both partners are willing to stretch and grow to accomodate each other's needs - in all areas. You step outside your comfort zone and push yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do. You go to your partner's company picnic even though you don't know anyone and would much prefer to stay home and watch a movie. You go to bed a little earlier than you'd like so you won't be comatose when your partner gets you up for a morning run. You give up your nightly bowl of ice cream when your partner is desperately trying to lose weight.

But when it comes to the sexual part of your relationship, you might feel 'entitled' to refuse any behavior that isn't already a part of your repertoire. Of course you have the right to refuse - but an unwillingness to stretch to accomodate your partner's desires often creates conflict and resentment. Not to mention boredom.

When both of you are willing to grow sexually, the intimacy in your relationship increases. That growth also keeps your sexual life vital and satisfying.