Whose 'Fault'?

It's generally assumed that if a couple's sex life has hit the skids, it's due to lack of interest on the woman's part. But in older couples, that often isn't the case. More often than not, it's men that begin avoiding sex - and it's due to their fear of erection failures. I've written before about this issue, but I want to emphasize here the importance of couple communication when things begin to change in a couple's sexual relationship.

Without that communication, we're left to guess or assume what's going on. Assumptions get us into trouble. A woman whose partner no longer seems to be sexually interested might assume that he no longer finds her attractive or desirable - or worse, that he's involved in an affair. She might go to greater lengths to ramp up her desirability - pay a visit to Victoria's Secret, lose 10 pounds, get a new hairstyle - only to find that her efforts are in vain. What's needed is not new sexual stimulation, but a different approach to sexuality.

Sexuality changes for older couples. There's less urgency connected to it, but there's often more intimacy. It's less dependent on visual stimulation and more dependent on tactile stimulation. It's less about the performance, and more about mutual pleasuring.

If your sex life has ceased feeling 'alive', talk to your partner. Don't place blame. Just figure out together what needs to change to keep physical intimacy a vital part of your relationship.